[Australia]: Phone Call to Duda

[Owen]

Kevin Rudd would pick up the phone and would ring Warsaw, the Polish President's Office. It would ring.

 

[Zager]

The call would be transferred to Duda's personal cellular device, him being in Moscow, speaking with Russian President Vladimir Putin. The telecommunications team would transfer the call.

Andrzej would sigh deeply.

"Hello? This is President Duda. Who calls?"

 

[Owen]

"This is Prime Minister Kevin Rudd. Seems like we have a bit of a situation on our hands."

 

[Zager]

"No fucking shit. What kind of fucking genius are you? God, if Australia was as half as intelligent as you, your nation would be lucky. Now, I'm a busy man, what do you need from me? My cabinet are already planning out funeral processions for when the bodies of those slain are given back. You can shove any attempt of reconciliation up your fucking asspipe, got it?"

Andrzej sat back, all of this being said in front of President Putin.

@Andy

 

[Owen]

"Pardon? Calm down now. I never ordered anyone to do anything. I'm calling to ask for your men inside the embassy to stand down. From what I've been told by the AFP Commissioner, they took their weapons OUT ONTO THE STREET and then proceeded to RAISE THEM at Police Officers, who's protocol it is to fire when threatened like that. I don't know why you're having a go at me, I have done nothing in this situation, I have just been informed by my Minister for Home Affairs and now asked to talk to you so you can talk to your guys so we can end this situation. I don't want to see more Polish dead. Canberra Hospital is trying frantically to save your Ambassador's life and I do pass on my condolences, he was never intended to be shot as he never threatened officers. And also what the fuck was your Ambassador doing with a handgun? You shouldn't be arming Ambassador's like that. And you should train your guards so they know to keep their weapons inside Embassy grounds, not to take them out in public and especially not to aim them at your host country's police officers. We're hosting you in our country and they decide to threaten our law enforcement who are doing their job and enforcing the law?"

 

[Zager]

"Pardon yourself. My guards are authorized to utilize whatever firearms they deem necessary. Australia is a high risk area, evidently. My guards know what they're doing. They're going to raise their firearms when a bunch of monkey-IQ like idiotic 'Federal' police attempt to threaten them. These firearms are Polish built. I recommend you pay us back for what we've lost to your horrendous attempt at wiping out embassy off the face of the Earth. If any Polish weapons are seen being utilized by any member of your police force, or any branch of your armed forces, there will be hell to pay. Understood? I hope you can get it through your seemingly thick skull that what you've done violated International Law. If Australia should continue to do this, we will have no choice but to place more and more sanctions on you. It's also not just us. The world is watching. This saddens me. We have had previous relations with Australia. We wish to keep it that way. With your pisspoor attitude, you will see no friendly relations with us."

 

[Owen]

"We are hardly a high risk area. The Federal Police are going to raise their weapons at your men, including your Ambassador, when they decide to bring them out in public. We do not have open carry in this country, it's not fucking Texas. It's just simply not acceptable to public safety to have people walking around with ASSAULT RIFLES. When your weapons are secured they are going to be destroyed. As simple as that. The Federal Police have violated no International Law, I can assure you of that. In fact, the general support from around the world has been in favour of us, most countries have given away their weapons, only your pals in Russia and Austria are the ones losing their shit over this.

Now we need to organise what's going on with these bodies. Once we recover them, we will send them by DHL Cargo back to Warsaw. Is that alright? I'll make it so you sign on delivery. I don't want them Russians flying anymore planes into Canberra or else the Air Force will deny them, is that understood?"

 

[Zager]

"Then you owe us. You owe us for damages. Well over a hundred firearms. You will pay us back, there's no way around this. Understood? Also, very funny. Argentina also has placed sanctions on Australia, and with good reason. With your seemingly quick to shoot police, I am surprised your pathetic excuse of a police force hasn't crumbled before your eyes yet.

Excuse me? The fuck? Cargo? What the fuck do you think you're doing? These bodies deserved better. They defended my nation, they defended Poland. No Pole will fly back on your deathtrap of an aircraft. The Russians will be the ones flying back. I will make sure of it."

 

[Owen]

"It's clear Argentina doesn't exactly know what they're doing. But that's been Argentina's behaviour for years now. Again as I say, it is protocol for police officers in Australia and indeed in many places around the world to shoot whoever is pointing a firearm at them. It's a matter of who shoots first. Your men could've killed those police officers, they needed to be the first ones to act otherwise they well could've been dead.

Well now Duda, that's a bit offensive to DHL don't you think? They do a marvelous job I'm sure they will take care of them. They are Germans after all, I'm sure they respect you as neighbours, bar 1939-1945, but besides from that I think they will gladly do it with the utmost care. Again... not my plane. DHL is a private German company. I can always send them to London and you can pick them up from there if the British will let you send your cargo planes to Heathrow."

 

[Zager]

"Whatever. Evidently you don't either if you're going around shooting innocent ambassadors, you tool. To the international community, you are seen as the aggressor, you do understand that, right?

No Hun will be flying my Poles home. They will either fly LOT or Aeroflot. They will fly with Poles or Russians. Not Germans. Also, how dare you even make a remark to the Second World War. This has nothing to do with that."

 

[Owen]

"As I've said, the Ambassador's injuries were collateral. He was never the intended target. No I don't, because frankly, most of the international community has completely ignored this incident by the looks of it. Just you, Austria, Poland and Argentina have taken any notice. Now unfortunately, LOT or Aeroflot don't fly to Australia. Do you have a codesharing airline that will take it? Singapore Airlines fly directly to Canberra from Singapore, the only international airline that does."

 

[Zager]

"What about Russia? Russia has noticed. Sure, it isn't a scheduled route, but they will fly there. There's nothing you can do about it. Poles are bringing Poles home.

Maybe you should train your police not to have collateral damage. They need to take more precise shots, in that case."

 

[Owen]

"Ah yes that's what I mean. Russia. Not Poland. Again as I say, if you violate our airspace, you will be met with another response, so best for this situation is to just avoid that. Organise for another country to bring them that isn't Russia or Poland. Maybe ask the U.S. or the U.K."

 

[Zager]

"Your threats are meaningless to me, you do realize that. I'll be more than happy enough to send in a Fighter escort if need be."

 

[Owen]

"If you sent Polish Air Force fighters into Australian airspace I can almost guarantee you they will be shot down so don't even like try it... like just don't. Let's resolve this without having to resort to that."

 

[Zager]

"Nice joke. You barely have an armed force to show to me. Sit down, please. This issue won't be resolved as long as these bodies don't go home with Polish or Russian aircraft."

 

[Owen]

"Besides 100 F/A-18 Hornets and 24 F/A-18F Super Hornets. 4 Air Warfare Destroyers. Hmm let's see... what else.... Jindalee Operational Radar Network. A lot there to take down your fighters if need be."

 

[Zager]

"That's if you even see them coming. Anyways, enough of this childish dispute. Australia will not be benefiting from any of this. We will fly a LOT Airlines aircraft into Australian airspace. If you decide to shoot it down, the world will be watching."

 

[Owen]

"Fine. LOT Polish chartered plane can fly to Canberra. The Federal Police will be on the ground waiting to make sure you're not armed or there's anything dangerous you bring on that plane. Absolutely no fighter jets though, that is simply not acceptable. Just one single LOT Polish plane with it's crew on board and whichever specialists you need to transport deceased. You hear me? No funny business, Duda."

 

[Zager]

"Funny business? You're the funny one... I'll charter this aircraft. Sounds good. You know, I really was starting to like our bromance, shame we couldn't be friends." Duda would chuckle.