France | Phone call for Canada

[Deleted member 5]

Ministry of Europe & Foreign Affairs
TOP SECRET & ENCRYPTED (LEVEL X)

---

​

French Republic, Honorable Jean-Yves Le Drian, Ministry of Foreign Affairs, would make a phone call to his Canadian counterpart. The call is encrypted and Secret Call. French Foreign Minister would check the room to make sure that no one is snooping in. He would place in two armed guard. Upon getting green signal from Directorate-General for External Security, the call is full encrypted and top secret.

*** Ring!! **** Ring**** Ring****!!

@Owen

 

[Owen]

The Foreign Minister would pick up her phone while visiting Washington, D.C.

"Fuck... International roaming charges."

"Yello, Chrystia speaking."

 

[Deleted member 5]

"Hello this is Minister Le Drian Speaking!! How are you Madame Foreign Minister? Is this a good time to speak?"

The phone call would be encrypted on French End.

@Owen

 

[Owen]

The Minister, coming from Alberta and not knowing a single bit of French unlike the Prime Minister who is fluent, would cover up her phone with her hand and would turn to her advisor.

"Who the fuck is a Minister.... La Drain? Driun? I dont know."

"I believe that's the French Foreign Minister, I'm guessing."

"Oh, really? What, he thinks this is a good time? I'm out here in Washington freezing my tits off looking at a monument that looks like a massive cock." She would say, looking over at the Washington Monument.

"BONJOUR! Minister Le... Drain. How lovely to hear from you. No... it's a perfect time. I was just about to speak to you know, our neighbours... the U.S. Secretary of State, but France is much more important to us so we can talk. What can I do for you?"

 

[Deleted member 5]

Minister Le Drian would cover up his phone with his hand and would blabber himself. Phone call is totally encrypted and getting record on French end.

"Who da fuck is this lady? I think this lady would give me an STD and cancer. She can't even pronounce a world leader's name and even my name. I bet she's playing with herself. Anyways, haha. Alright, let me show her what I can do." Minister Le Drian would blabber himself while he covered up his phone with his hand.

Now, the man would speak after blabbering himself, "Bonjour Minister Chrystia. Hope everything is great with you in Canada. Let me correct you Minister Chrystia, My name is Le Drian not Drain!! The reason of my call is to connect with Canadian foreign ministry to renewing our relationship. I would like to thank Canada because they helped us during Brazilian disaster. If this is not a good time, I can call later to discuss about trades and other agreements that both our nation can work on in future."

@Owen

 

[Owen]

"Oh that's no problem Mr. Le Drian."

Covering the phone again: "The fuck is the Brazilian disaster?"

"Yes, let's talk. What are you proposing to me today?"

 

[Owen]

@Sumit

 

[Deleted member 5]

“The reason for my call is to start bilateral relations with Canada. We would like to discuss trade, culture. Also our expeditionary troops are currently stationed in Saint Pierre and Miquelon, the vicinity of Canada. Just in case, Canadian forces need any help. Shall we start about our trade talk? What things can you export to France vice versa?”
@Owen

 

[Owen]

"What sort of military presence is there on Saint Pierre and Miquelon?"

 

[Deleted member 5]

“We have around few corvettes, rhib, 400 approximate naval personnel are stationed in there. They are just doing their sentry and other military duties. Let us know if you need any help in future.”

@Owen

 

[Owen]

"A few corvettes? Only a few? That seems a bit excessive, we would have to ask you to tone down the military presence a bit, it seems too excessive for Canada's liking. We can't have a build up of foreign forces of that amount on our doorstep, especially for a territory which is only 6,000 people. France seems to be sending a message that it doesn't trust Canada and that breaks our heart. Considering our main atlantic naval base is in Halifax and a secondary base in St. John's this, I would seem, is a concern to our national security. Frankly, we haven't seen a military build up like that on Saint Pierre and Miquelon since the American Revolutionary War or unless you consider the time it was invaded by Free France to take it back from Vichy France. We would have to ask you to reconsider your position on this matter so as not to allow our relationship to become untrustworthy."

 

[Deleted member 5]

"Now that you have asked, we will reduce our forces. Here is the problem remains, during the last conflict between Brazil and France, these French territories did not have any troops stationed because previous socialist stupid French Government was about to burn entire French down. Due to Brazil, Yellow Vest Movement, Socialist government detained President Macron but Macron somehow escaped and restored the power of France. Our clear goal is to protect these territories from foreign and domestic enemies. I would like to apologize for one fact. Only 20 number of small patrol vessels along with 20 RHIBs and 834 Naval Personnel are stationed in St Pierre and Miquelon Naval Base. They are just simply protecting the territory. So, going back to relationship, we fully trust Canada and I am not making the relationship untrustworthy. As a part of French National Security, recent terrorism attack in the United States and Nigeria, Macron Administration decided to stationed small number of troops in French Territories. I am sorry to say but we don't want to be another terror victims. We simply want to stay in the area and protect our lands."

@Owen

 

[Owen]

"20 patrol vessels are still a lot for a small island group. We only have 12 patrol vessels in the whole of Canada. If France had a rowdy neighbour like Brazil, sure they should station forces there. Like the UK does in the Falklands because of the threat of Argentina. Canada or the United States are no threat to France's territories here in North America. Trust us, we don't have the best relationship with Brazil either and would fully support you militarising Guiana due to that threat. But Saint Pierre and Miquelons extreme proximity to Canada and its very small size gives us worry about the militarisation of the islands. A small, one or two patrol boat force should be sufficient. If not to protect the islands but more to enforce your laws and fisheries/EEZ zone which we agreed upon the boundaries of several decades ago. Canada is also giving Saint Pierre and Miquelon residents visa-free access to Canada without the need for an eTA. The only other people we give this to are U.S. citizens. Other French citizens will have visa-free access but still need to do an eTA. Canada is committed to safeguarding those islands and making sure the residents have free passage to the nearest commercial hubs which are in Canada, particularly St. John's. We will maintain the ferry link between Saint Pierre and Fortune as well to honour our commitment to the islands.

Though to be fair, are you really that concerned about a terrorist attack on the islands? I mean they're not really of significance, I'd be more worried about Paris and her landmarks."

 

[Deleted member 5]

"If that are too much then we will reduce forces in St Pierre and Miquelon. Only 2 patrol vessel and 2 RHIB and a few personnel from Naval Fusiliers will be stationed. Remaining will be move into other French Territories. We are grateful to hear that Canada is giving us visa free access and we agreed that we should do an ETA. Let us talk about trade. What things can Canada would like to export to France?"

@Owen

 

[Owen]

"Uhh.... eTA... as in Electronic Travel Authorisation. Our system for gathering information on visitors to Canada who intend to visit as apart of a visa-free scheme. French citizens are visa-exempt in Canada but require an eTA. If they live in Saint Pierre and Miquelon though we are wavering that requirement to do an eTA in order to visit Canada."

 

[Deleted member 5]

Covering the phone, Minister Le Drian would blabber himself, "What the fuck, this lady seems deaf. I asked her to do trade and she talks about ETA."

The man would speak after blabbering himself. "If that is the problem, we will move our forces from St Pierre and Miquelon. Given the territory in the North American region, I have no doubt that Canada will protect the St. Pierre and Miquelon if any problem persists. What do you say?"

@Owen

 

[Owen]

“That’s perfectly acceptable for us to agree to, we will protect Saint Pierre and Miquelon, if any foreign force got near it we would see that as a threat to Canada as well as due to the proximity of the islands to Newfoundland. We wouldn’t allow a foreign invasion force to make landfall that close to Canada, it threatens our national security.”

 

[Owen]

@Sumit