Diplomatic Cable to Australia

[Goldfish]

To The Distinguished Government of Australia, Owen

Greetings fellow Heads of state,

The Royal Family of The Holy Kingdom of Monaco formally invites Representative(s) of your house to witness the coronation of Her Majesty Queen Alice of Monaco on the 10th of September at 10:00AM, at the Cathedral of Our Lady Immaculate in the beautiful city of Monaco, If attending, all representative(s) and guests shall be staying inside our most famous and luxurious hotel, the Hotel De Paris Monte-Carlo. As hosts we are willing to shoulder transportation duties for all official guests of Her Majesty, also after the coronation, you are hereby invited to attend Her Majesty's first official party where all of Monaco's elite, including local lords and ladies and many other persons of great influence as well as foreign representatives from different parts of the world will be gathering altogether.

We hope to celebrate with you there and wish good fortune to you and your people.

Sincerely,
Princess Louise of Monaco

 

[Owen]

​

OFFICIAL SECRETARY TO THE GOVERNOR-GENERAL OF AUSTRALIA​

SECURITY CLASSIFICATION: OFFICIAL​

20 September 2000​

Dear Your Royal Highness, Her Excellency The Honourable Dame Quentin Bryce, Governor-General of Australia graciously accepts your invitation as the representative of the Queen of Australia, Elizabeth the Second. In attendance will also be her husband, Michael Bryce. They will be accompanied by Flight Lieutenant Casey Brown, one of Her Excellency's Aide-de-camps. I will not be joining them as I will need to help with official duties around here as the Governor of New South Wales will be temporarily made the Administrator of Australia. They will be departing shortly to visit Monaco. Yours sincerely, Malcolm Hazell.

Government House, YARRALUMLA, ACT 2600 Telephone: (02) 6277 7700​

Protective Marking:	Business Impact Level:	Compromise of Information Confidentiality:	Required to be Encrypted:
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OFFICIAL	Low Business Impact	No or insignificant damage. This is the majority of routine information.
OFFICIAL: Sensitive	Low to Medium Business Impact	Limited damage to an individual, organisation or government generally if compromised.
PROTECTED	High Business Impact	Damage to the national interest, organisations or individuals.
SECRET	Extreme Business Impact	Serious damage to the national interest, organisations or individuals.
TOP SECRET	Catastrophic Business Impact	Exceptionally grave damage to the national interest, organisations or individuals.

With that, a RAAF Boeing 737BBJ would be prepared at RAAF Base Fairbairn in Canberra for the Governor-General, her husband, the Aide-de-camp and 4 plain clothed Australian Federal Police officers. Once they were ready they would take off, heading to Singapore to refuel, then on to Dubai to refuel and finally landing at Nice-Cote d'Azur Airport in France. At the Nice Airport, the Ambassador of Australia to France, who is also accredited to Monaco, John Spender, would be waiting to greet the Governor-General. A private motorcade would be organised by the Australian Embassy in Paris using rented chaffeured vehicles. They would ensure an Australian flag was attached to the front of them. Once they arrived at the airport, they would take the 30 minute drive across to Monaco. They would present Australian diplomatic passports at the land border crossing into Monaco. Once in they would arrive at the Hotel De Paris Monte-Carlo and would settle in.

Goldfish

 

[Owen]

The RAAF Boeing 737BBJ would just cross over the Mediterranean. It would be flying at 38,000 feet, cruising along. The Captain, a Squadron Leader rank within the Royal Australian Air Force would be looking around at the displays and controls.

"Flight Lieutenant why is our fuel so low...." He would say to his co-pilot.

"I don't know sir, I told the guy on the ground in Dubai that we needed enough to get to Malta."

"... We're going to Monaco, you fucking moron! I should have you court marshalled and dishonourable discharged."

"Sorry sir. I will go inform Her Excellency."

"No don't, sit down. I don't want her getting the wrong idea about the Air Force. We will just land and tell her there was a security situation in Nice."

"Sir we can't land in Malta, we don't have any diplomatic representation there."

"Lucky we got enough for Malta and then some. We will head to Sicily. Maybe you can order us a pizza...."

"Yes sir"

The Captain would radio in Air Traffic Control.

"Rome Center, this is Consort 1. Requesting a re-route to Palermo, we're having some fuel issues."

Once they had the all clear they would head to Palermo. The Australian Embassy in Rome would be alerted to the incoming Governor-General, the Ambassador and embassy staff would quickly catch the next flight over to Sicily.

Once the aircraft landed at Palermo the Governor-General would look out of the window.

"This doesn't look like France...." She would say.

The Captain would speak over the radio.

"Sorry your excellency, we had to make a detour to Sicily, there was a.... security situation in Nice, it wasn't safe for us to land there at this present time. We will wait here until it's all clear."

"Fucking useless cunts!" She would explete.

Once they taxiied and parked at the appropriate apron, a staircase would attach to the aircraft. The Captain would come out of the cockpit.

"Ma'am the Australian Embassy in Rome has organised a chaffeured car. The Ambassador is on his way here to greet you. You can take the vehicle and head into Palermo, enjoy yourself a bit whilst we get the all clear in Nice."

The Governor-General would head down the stairs with her husband Michael into an awaiting rented chaffeured vehicle. Two plain-clothed Australian Federal Police officers would escort them into the vehicle. The other two would need somewhere to go and would contact the local police to provide some sort of escort to the Governor-General and a car for the other two officers. The RAAF personnel on the aircraft would secure it on the apron and would begin their normal processes of maintaining and cleaning the inside of the aircraft. It would also be refuelled with the necessary amount to get to Nice.

The phone would ring the local Palermo police.

Joe

 

[Joe]

The Palermo Carabinieri commandant was nowhere near his post in the city. Of course, he was still on duty. As part of the job description, he had to be a known face to the civil officials, the people of Palermo, and foreign dignitaries. However, in his long life of dutiful public service to the Kingdom, he never quite expected to have been personally invited aboard the HMIY Italia, the Royal yacht, for a lunch with Prince Vincenzo Canali and the Princess of Sicily, Luna Genovese before they departed for Monaco. He also wasn't quite expecting the Prince and Princess to be so... delightful.

For one, the Prince and Princess prepared lunch on their own, a delicious octopus stew.

For two, the Prince and Princess were incredible conversationalists and a wonderful couple (for a couple who insisted they weren't a couple!).

For three, there was so much alcohol on board!

-... and so he's pounding on the window." Luna laughed, gesturing wildly at Vincenzo. "He's thinking he absolutely is at the right window. Instead, he just woke up our poor old matron of the house."

Commandant Giovanazzi howled in laughter. Just the fact that the Prince snuck out of the Naval Academy was incredible in itself. Midshipmen were confined to their barracks until their final year. To have the future of the Kingdom break out of the hallowed grounds of the Trident like a lovesick teenager was hilarious in itself.

"You never told me what you said to her so she didn't tell any of the guards on the grounds." Luna said, after taking a swig of wine and brushing a stray strand of auburn hair out of her face.

"Of course I did." Vincenzo responded incredulously. "I told her 'Naval Academy Duties, carry on.'"

The three of them were about to burst into laughter once again until the door opened and Commandant Giovanni's aide-de-camp entered the room, holding onto a telephone.

"Commandant?" The lieutenant asked. "Phone call for you."

"Excuse me, your highnesses, but I must take this." Giovanazzi said, taking the napkin off his lap and folding it. He placed it on the table, stepping out of the dining room and onto the balcony of the Italia. Feeling like some kind of Bond villain overlooking the port of Palermo, he picked up the telephone. "Commandant Antonio Giovanazzi, speaking."

Owen

 

[Owen]

"Ah yes, hello Mr... Gio....vi....nasi, this is Sergeant Lawson Blake, I'm with the Australian Federal Police's Governor-General's Protection Detail. We've had to make an emergency landing in Palermo due to fuel issues and we might be here for a while, the Governor-General is getting a bit bored and wants to have a look around Palermo. We have a vehicle here for here but we need some form of police escort and a spare vehicle for some of her protection detail. Does that sound like something you could do?"

He would await a response.

Joe

 

[Joe]

"Baloney!" The Commandant gasped in his drunken stupor. The Governor-General?! Here?! With all their staff?! "Please hold for just a second, Sergeant."

He immediately handed the phone to an aide and ran back into the dining room, seeing the Prince and Princess clearing the table. "Your highness!"

After an explanation of what had occurred, the royalty sprung into action!

"Have them come here!" Princess Genovese said. "Let them have lunch and sail with us to Monaco."

Commandant Giovannazi ran back out onto the balcony, snatching the phone. "You still with me, mate? We're sending a car your way and it'll take you to the Royal Yacht. Prince Canali is waiting here for you."

With that said, a police escort would hastily be drawn up to drive to the airport to pick up the Australian delegation.

 

[Owen]

"Uhhhh sure."

He would cover the phone and talk to the Governor-General.

"Your excellency, apparently the Prince Canali is here in Palermo, he wishes to meet with you on his Royal Yacht. If you wanted to go there we can."

She would reply. "Yes that sounds splendid, hopefully I can finally get some good food rather than what the Air Force serve me....."

"I've consulted with her excellency, she said that's fine. See you soon." He would hang up and they would wait for the escort. Once it arrived, two AFP officers would get into an unmarked Italian police car, the other two would get into the Governor-General's chaffeured Alfa Romeo. They would drive out to the Royal Yacht.

The Governor-General would hop out of the vehicle with her husband and would see Prince Canali.

"Buongiorno! Buongiorno! Grazie! Grazie!" She would exclaim. She would give the Prince a kiss on both cheeks, as per Italian tradition.

By now the Ambassador of Australia to Italy would arrive at Palermo Airport. He would go up to the Air Force Squadron Leader.

"Where's her excellency?" He would ask.

"She went off with her security detail to see the Prince Canali on the Royal Yacht."

"THIS IS TOTALLY UNAUTHORISED! Don't let Malcolm (Governor-General's Official Secretary) know. Don't even let the Prime Minister know. This stays within this group of air fairies (Army and Navy slang for Air Force personnel), got it?."

"Yes sir."

Joe

 

[Joe]

Princess Genovese would sputter in laughter, seeing the Prince flabbergasted at the Governor General's greeting.

"I er... I speak English.. But, g'day!" He said, tipping his hat, as per Australian tradition. "Welcome to the HMIY Italia, the Royal Family's yacht."

He gestured to Luna. "This is my... er..."

Fiancee?

Love of my life?

"Best friend Luna, she is the Princess of Sicily. Allow us to take your bags, madam!" Prince Canali said, bending low to pick up the bags. "I hope you enjoy seafood, we'll be having a light lunch before sailing off to Monaco!"

 

[Owen]

"Oh we're off to Monaco!? How wonderful! Michael, come now!" Her husband would follow. The Australian Federal Police detail would attempt to stop her.

"Your excellency....." Before letting out a sigh. Sergeant Blake would ring back the Squadron Leader back at the airport.

"Yeah we're heading to Monaco, by boat. Bring the plane round to Nice."

With that, the RAAF jet would take off from Palermo with the right amount of fuel this time and would head to Nice Airport in France to be close to the Governor-General when she arrives in Monaco.

Onboard the ship, Sergeant Blake would hand the skipper a flag that would be in his possession.

​

"Fly this please, it's the Governor-General's flag and its required to be flown on any vehicle Her Excellency is travelling on, including boats."

Joe

 

[Joe]

Captain Sir Gorlami, the Navy skipper in charge of the vessel, would eye the flag in disbelief. It was customary on naval vessels that when the Royal family was underway, their royal standard flew alone. Captain Gorlami was about to speak up when Princess Genovese dove in, swiping the flag from Captain Gorlami's outstretched hand. Vincenzo outranked Luna on the royal hierarchy, but she had the wisdom and experience. In addition, they were on her turf and Vincenzo was... well... he was a simp.

"We'll no doubt have this settled for you, Lady Quentin. Sir Dominic, may you give this to a yeoman? I'm sure you can find a home for it."

"Yes, your highness." Captain Gorlami responded. He quickly barked out an order in Italian. A young navy cadet took the flag and went to go hang it on the mast.

"Darling." Luna said to Prince Canali, fluttering her eyelids. "Wouldn't it be great if we showed them to their rooms?"

Please, for all that is holy, take the hint, my love!

"Oh... ah.. yes! Your room! Come now, my lady." Vincenzo said, looping his arm around that of Lady Quentin. Luna flanked the arm of Michael. "I will show you to your room."

Vincenzo lead the lady around a quick tour of the vessel to show her and her husband the facilities, showing off the state of the art gymnasium, full service bar (with the TV showing the Olympics!), the pool on the deck, as well as Princess Genovese's motorcycle collection (Luna was quite a fan of Ducatis!). Finally, they dropped the pair off at the State Room.

​

"We'll be underway quite shortly, Lady Quentin, and we do plan on sailing throughout the evening and arriving tomorrow morning. Would you like to freshen up or would you rather join us at the dining room for lunch later?" Vincenzo asked.

 

[Owen]

"That's your excellency to you..."

"Yes I think I will freshen up here for a bit, thank you." She would go into her room, resting up, taking a shower and having a.... "relaxing" time with some of the toys she brought in her luggage.

When she entered the dining room for lunch she would notice the Olympics. It would be the Lightweight Boxing. It would be the Semi-Finals and it was a double Italian vs. Italian head to head.

"Well that means they would win all 3.... pardon, it's Boxing.... 4 podium spots. That is quite remarkable I must say. The Italians have been doing pretty well at the boxing."

Joe

 

[Joe]

Vincenzo blinked at the Governor-General's response.

How rude.

He opened his mouth to respond, but Luna quickly interjected, placing her hand on Vincenzo's arm.

"We will see you in the dining room, your excellency. Enjoy your stay." She said politely, guiding the pair away to get the room ready.

In the dining room, bruschetta and other Italian cold cuts would be set out in a makeshift charcuterie board. They would also be so engrossed in the boxing match on the television that they wouldn't notice the Govenor-General.

"Ah, yes! Boxing is our... unofficial national sport next to football. We are big fans of it and very proud of our athletes. Weren't you a boxer at the Naval Academy, darling?" Luna inquired.

She of course, was well aware that he was. She lost her voice at a many of his tournaments.

Before Vincenzo could respond, the Princess turned back to the Governor General. "Your country has done an excellent job at running this year's olympics. You should be quite proud. Please, sit! Enjoy yourself. We'll get underway shortly. Would you like anything to eat? Some drink?"

 

[Owen]

"Yes a glass of wine would do me quite splendidly." She would respond to him asking about getting a drink.

"We have done quite well at this years Olympics and Italy should be proud with 10 gold medals, having only joined the competition late. I do think you would've been well on track to be one of the top performing nations had you been there from the start. Lucky you made it in time for the boxing." She would blink over the TV.

"Getting a podium sweep is one hell of an achievement, I believe only China was the other country to manage in the women's 200 metre breast.... back? breast? I don't know, something... stroke."

Joe

 

[Joe]

Luna glanced over at Her Excellency.

"Quite lucky, yes. We have everything to thank for your country allowing us to compete in the Olympics this late. But... this China victory, I'm sure the Russians were about ready to blow a gasket over that one, no?"

Owen