[TURKEY] The Ottoman Cabinet Speaks

[Retroliser]

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The Ottoman Cabinet Speaks ​

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"Good morning, ladies and gentlemen," The provisional government of The Ottomans have, after spending the time since Erdogan's removal from power settling into their new positions, hosted a press conference outlining the general plan that they have for the rest of this year. I am being told that it is about to start, so let's go to The Presidential Palace near Ankara."

With the announcement completed, the view switched to the outside of the Presidential Palace, a building that is four times the size of the palace of Versailles in France. The Ottoman Cabinet are assembled, with their Prime Minister/Grand Vizier, Olağan Bilgelik, stood at the podium.

"Ladies and gentlemen of Turkey, and, by extension, the world," The five foot two inch politician began. "My name is Olağan Bilgelik. I have been chosen to act as the head of government for Turkey until next year, which, considering that it's currently November, isn't very long. Admiral Mustafa Zeki Ugurlu, my predecessor, has stepped down to become Chief Of The Naval Staff. Anyway, I, and the gentlemen behind me, will act as a caretaker government until elections can be prepared for January to decide who will be the legitimately elected government of Turkey.

Once the general business notices here are sorted, I'll step aside for my colleagues to announce their specific announcements, if any. So, in accordance with the referendum taken not so long ago, a brand new constitution has been crafted! In keeping with our country's firm belief in Kemalism, it does not bring back the concept of a state religion. Even though our sovereign, The Sultan, is a devout Muslim, his religion is not a part of state affairs. Also of note, The Ottoman Government shall maintain the current apparatus of government, with the view of radical change if we win the election next year. However, the announcement of The Ottoman Manifesto will come later. Thank you for your attention, I shall now let my colleagues say their bit."

The Grand Vizier stepped back, practically melting into the background as his taller colleagues eclipsed him. A group of four men stepped forward, being led by a one with mighty eyebrows and a moustache.

(Left to right; Hamit, Gunay, Kaan and Ugu Baykara)​

"Good day, everyone, I wish you were all here to see this in person, in fact, I wish you were here instead of me," He began. "Stood with me are three people so devoid of intelligence that they don't even have a brain cell to share, but it's okay, they're my siblings, so I'm allowed to be so honest with them. Regardless, my name is Hamit Baykara, the silent, but dumb one is Gunay, the Italian is Kaan and baby-face over here is Ugu. We, collectively, are the civilian heads of the armed forces. I'm in overall charge to make sure that the other three don't touch anything. Meanwhile, Gunay is in charge of the army, Kann the air force and Ugu the navy. As for what we intend to do, we intend to do what's best for the country, which is preferably nothing. Admittedly, I'd have to say that anyway for national security reasons, but I will say this..."

Hamit looked around for anyone suspicious before leaning closer to the microphone.

"We've got something pretty wild that's just been built somewhere. Chances are Gunay, when given the chance, will blab about it, but we can always hope. That's all I'm willing to say, so let's move onto the next man along!"

Taking a step back, Hamit was replaced by Gunay, a man wearing a battered top hat and a massive trench coat. Reaching into the garment, the ginger-haired Wāsiṭa For War retrieved a bicycle horn, which he squeezed, causing a loud "blarp" to sound. The other three brothers immediately pounced and dragged him away, so that he could be replaced by Kaan.

"You all ignore what-a he said," Kaan apologised in a thick Italian accent. "He-a no gotta brain, so he speak before-a he think. Although... With-a no brain, he can't-a think anyway, so..."

He shrugged before continuing.

"My name's-a Kaan, and I'm in charge of-a your planes. Okay, we don't actually have any planes-a right now, but that's beside the point. We WILL-A have planes, and let me tell you... It's-a gonna be good! Thank you!"

With a light round of confused applause, Kaan stepped down, so that the last brother, Ugu, could take the podium.

"Thank you," He said to his siblings, before turning to the camera. "As you've probably been able to guess, I am Ugu Baykara, the Wāsiṭa For The Admiralty. I, in partnership with the former provisional Grand Vizier, Admiral Mustafa, will seek to reestablish a Turkish Navy fit for a nation of our stature. In addition, we will be seeking to establish a Coast Guard, which will not only protect our borders from illegal immigrants, but will also engage in sea rescue operations. Admittedly, this is all policy that is very much dependent on whether The Ottomans are elected next year. I apologise for such a short speech, but this is still very much a period of transition. Once the new year dawns, progress can begin in earnest."

With the collective ministers for defence now finished, a middle-aged man with a crop of grey hair stood at the podium. With a gentle cough, he began his own address.

"Ahem... After that most... Unusual display... The rest of the cabinet have, after a brief discussion while the aforementioned 'display' was taking place, realised that no genuine government business can really occur without an elected government. As such, I was elected to simply say that, for now, life will continue as it did before the events of the past few months occurred, mostly. We shall just tick along until the people get to decide who they wish to have in power. Regardless, thank you for your time. We can, however, announce something very important!

In light of transition from republic to monarchy, a reshuffle of diplomatic staff needed to take place. Well, we are happy to announce that the time has finally come to reopen the door to having diplomatic relations with Turkey! As such, any nation who wishes to reestablish, or continue, diplomatic relations with us, should get in touch with Kanat Ozbek the Vizier for Foreign Affairs. Just address any emails or letters to:

Kanat Ozbek, Vizier For Foreign Affairs

And it'll reach the relevant department. Thank you for your time."