GingeOrCringe
Junior
- Apr 5, 2020
- 625
To: Jackson Fitzgerald Odinson |
From: Konstyantyn Gryshchenko |
Subject: An End to Hostilities |
CC: Viktor Yushchenko, Oleh Bilorus |
Security: encrypted and private |
Salutations from Ukraine to the honorable Secretary Jackson Fitzgerald and the Department of State,
I would first like to extend deep condolences to the United States of America on the behalf of the Republic of Ukraine. I apologize that this message has been so delayed, but we thought it best to allow the new administration to focus on emergency management. We are greatly impressed at the speed and professionalism with which the federal government transitioned in the face of national tragedy. The late President Clinton would have been proud. Once again the United States has demonstrated its exceptionalism—that is the second reason we are contacting you today.
While America may have stumbled, we expect the Great Western Colossus of the Cold War to soon revive itself. That is America’s super power, after all. Your Civil War, the First World War, the Great Depression—your country always comes back stronger. The American People’s love of freedom is not extraordinary, but your ability to keep it is.
When it comes to liberal sentiments, the hearts of the Ukrainian people are similar to your own. In 1710 the Zaporizhian Cossacks demonstrated this by composing the Constitution of Pylyp Orlyk. It set forth many of the same ideas as your constitution, including representative elections, separation of powers, and limited taxation. But history has set numerous obstructions between my country and freedom. You must already recognize Ukraine never belonged to the Soviet Union. We never consented to the authoritarian government and it’s strangulating grip. Likewise, the Communist Party’s brief usurpation of power in 1995 was in no way indicative of our General Will.
We believe ourselves to be natural allies to the Flagship of the Free World. We would like to forge a friendship with the United States. Born on the poverty, corruption, and crime ridden carcass of the Soviet Union, we are a new republic in need of navigational assistance. Would you be willing to provide it?
Awaiting your reply with interest,
Konstyantyn Ivanovych Gryshchenko
Minister of Foreign Affairs
The Republic of Ukraine