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"Well hopefully we would see some change there in the Secretary-General's view. ISAF has always seemed to have had a European-focused role and while not much has happened here in this side of the world, we can't be too pessimistic. We don't see any particular nation at the moment as a threat in...

"Yes he certainly did, what can I do for you?"

"Good evening, this is Prime Minister Kevin Rudd."

The Prime Minister would pick up his phone, it would be heavily encrypted by the Australian Signals Directorate. He would place it for the Minister's office in Hanoi. It would ring.

"Yes, well Defence has informed me they wish to establish a Defence Attache inside ISAF Headquarters as a point of contact between the ISAF Secretary-General and our Department of Defence and the Australian Defence Force. In this role, they hope to also serve as a Defence Attache to ETO. They've...

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"October sounds great. Middle of Spring, the weather will be quite nice for a range of outdoor engagements. Might organise a military exercise to observe, good weather for it. Maybe hold a Koala or two. Should be a very productive meeting. We're sure we can become Britain's most reliable partner...

"Well Mr. Johnson, I am quite fond of Irn-Bru, if we could get more stocked in our supermarkets that would be great." The Minister would chuckle. "Trade is not quite my purview, the Department is split up between me as Minister for Foreign Affairs and Jason Clare as Minister for Trade, so any...

The Police would hand the Ambassador the megaphone. "Speak to them through this."

Obviously you can't just walk up into a police operation/siege, the police would stop the Ambassador as he approached. "Sir, please stand back, this an ongoing police operation. The situation is quite dangerous right now and we don't recommend you be here."

"Yes if they stood down they will be expelled from Australia as persona non grata. Not necessarily quietly, you still have to go through Border Force and regular security checks at the airport, but besides from that, you will be able to leave the country "quietly"."

The Minister of Home Affairs, Anne Aly, would release a statement. "Police will not be standing down while the Polish are still held up inside and firing at police officers, that simply does not happen. Police do not simply stand down when people are a threat to public safety in the hope that...

"We're quite happy with the steps the British High Commission has taken to remove its weapons. Some opposition, but generally it has been supportive. Just certain South American countries and the Eastern Europeans. U.S. has had a bit of a kick up about it, but we're probably going to turn a...

The Minister for Foreign Affairs would release another statement. "Again, Brazil still is completely telling lies about the situation that occurred and is twisting obvious facts. We have stated the facts over and over again but for some reason it is falling on deaf ears with the Brazilians, so...

"Dear Ministry of Foreign Affairs of Sweden, We would like to extend our hand out and get sorted with some form of contractual agreement between Sweden and Australia, ASAP. My office is available any time to talk about this on +61 8212 8272. Please get in contact and we can arrange an agreement...

The Minister for Home Affairs would release another statement. "At this point in time we're not able to retrieve the bodies of the deceased because there's still two polish guards held up inside the embassy who are armed. Once we neutralise them, we will be able to retrieve the bodies and a...

"The fuck are you talking about?"