- May 4, 2021
- 3,295
| To: <Muhammad Qasim, Leader of the Islamic Liberation Army> Drivindeath CC: <Islamic Republican Guard of the Levant> From: <Sarabun@gov.mail.go.th> Subject: A Friendly Warning Security Type: NSST Architecture 1.0 | Secret and Encrypted |
Dear Muhammad Qasim,
It is with utter disgust that I find myself the one selected—by whatever misguided council—to address you today. If there is a hell, I sincerely hope you rot in its deepest pit. And if no such place exists, may it manifest on the surface of the Sun just for you, so you can experience the truth of plasma firsthand—courtesy of solar physics, a branch of astrophysics, in case your feeble mind wasn’t aware.
As you likely remain ignorant, allow me to clarify: I am but a joker here, devoid of power in our cherished democracy. You, on the other hand? Not so much. However, one thing is certain—within the confines of legitimate, documented authority, I hold no reservations in delivering a death threat to a so-called ‘leader’ of Syria. So, let’s get straight to the point: you and your IRGC lackeys will cease your idiotic operations in Syria within six months and make amends with the Kurdish forces you so treacherously betrayed.
Why, you ask? How fortunate! My little friend, as a regular at the Bangkok Comedy Club, I assure you my delivery is far more refined than that of any Thai ideologue. See, we stand in a state of war—solidarity against Al-Qaeda and all organized religions. My intelligence sources inform me that you were once a member of the Taliban, a group recently humiliated in Afghanistan before the return of a civilian democratic government. And that Al-Qaeda, based in Afghanistan, was responsible for the murder of 104 innocent proletarians in London. I don’t give a damn whether the esteemed Prime Minister Adams of the United Kingdom desires Thailand’s solidarity or not. The only thing that matters is that the people have voted—for your absolute eradication.
If it still isn’t clear, your ultimate goal is the establishment of an Islamic state. Oh, how revolutionary. Communists, too, have their share of state-building ambitions, particularly those adhering to Leninist interpretations of Marxism, which advocate for a strong state to safeguard the people until the dawn of true communism. In Thailand, however, we lean closer to Rosa Luxemburg’s vision of socialism. But one thing remains unchanged: our unrelenting hatred for organized religion.
So here’s the deal—you have six months. I will return to verify your compliance. Make no mistake, this is not a request. This is an ultimatum, a final chance to avoid the worst fate imaginable. If you value your own miserable existence, you will tread carefully. Abandon your superstitions. And let me be absolutely clear—fuck Allah.
As you likely remain ignorant, allow me to clarify: I am but a joker here, devoid of power in our cherished democracy. You, on the other hand? Not so much. However, one thing is certain—within the confines of legitimate, documented authority, I hold no reservations in delivering a death threat to a so-called ‘leader’ of Syria. So, let’s get straight to the point: you and your IRGC lackeys will cease your idiotic operations in Syria within six months and make amends with the Kurdish forces you so treacherously betrayed.
Why, you ask? How fortunate! My little friend, as a regular at the Bangkok Comedy Club, I assure you my delivery is far more refined than that of any Thai ideologue. See, we stand in a state of war—solidarity against Al-Qaeda and all organized religions. My intelligence sources inform me that you were once a member of the Taliban, a group recently humiliated in Afghanistan before the return of a civilian democratic government. And that Al-Qaeda, based in Afghanistan, was responsible for the murder of 104 innocent proletarians in London. I don’t give a damn whether the esteemed Prime Minister Adams of the United Kingdom desires Thailand’s solidarity or not. The only thing that matters is that the people have voted—for your absolute eradication.
If it still isn’t clear, your ultimate goal is the establishment of an Islamic state. Oh, how revolutionary. Communists, too, have their share of state-building ambitions, particularly those adhering to Leninist interpretations of Marxism, which advocate for a strong state to safeguard the people until the dawn of true communism. In Thailand, however, we lean closer to Rosa Luxemburg’s vision of socialism. But one thing remains unchanged: our unrelenting hatred for organized religion.
So here’s the deal—you have six months. I will return to verify your compliance. Make no mistake, this is not a request. This is an ultimatum, a final chance to avoid the worst fate imaginable. If you value your own miserable existence, you will tread carefully. Abandon your superstitions. And let me be absolutely clear—fuck Allah.
Sincerely,
Thaksin Shinawatra
Prime Minister
Republic of Thailand
Digital Diplomatic Communication
